SOMEBODY'S DAUGHER AND INTERNET ETHICS

Beloved Brother in Christ,

“…the word of the LORD came to me: 17 "Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. 18 When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. 19 But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself.
20 "Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. 21 But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself."

(Ezekiel 3:16b – 21)



It is my fervent prayer you will take the time to prayerfully consider my message to you today. I have been held to give an account. I’ve been admonished and rebuked about being a hypocrite. I have a confession to make…. I’ve had an eye-opening week this past week that has convicted me on some points I feel compelled to share with you – as a way of warning from the wall.

There seems to be such an attack on marriages through 'little ole' innocent FACEBOOK'. Satan is prowling and saw an opportunity to invite men (and women) to do what they otherwise would never think of - befriending and sharing personal information with a member of the opposite sex without their spouse being present or privy.

We are tempted to think, “Because it's not 'real', God's boundaries and wisdom does not apply here.” But men and women – even professing Christian men and women - are getting lured into inappropriate relationships through this social networking site. With the progressive nature of sin, it begins with dismissing God’s wisdom of boundaries with members of the opposite gender and can quickly lead to emotional infidelity and even further on to virtual and actual sexual infidelity. Christian witness is ruined…. The integrity of the professing Church is tarnished…. The sanctity of marriage is sacrificed. Families with children are being decimated.

I believe many Christians have bought the lie from the pit that tells us to 'mind our own business' and that we are not our brother's keeper. We don't see ourselves as the very vessel God uses to make the better hour. We are too timid and cold. We are too self-absorbed and too 'clean' to want to bother and get messy and risk offending. This is sin. Sin! Is it not better to err in action rather than in passivity? Not that we are busy-bodies or self-elated, but where God has providentially brought something to our attention that is obviously serious we pray and do what we can to help.

As I indicated earlier, I’ve become aware of several infidelities this week and the problem of pornography within a professing Christian home. (Pastor Kelly rightly says, “Profession is not necessarily possession.” AMEN! Look up Matthew 7:21 – and these were men who at least did godly things.) With all but one, FACEBOOK seems to be the greatest common denominator (aside from being a professing Christian) in coddling and feeding this sin. This prompted me to wonder how this could be? How could we get so lackadaisical about our relationships and guarding our marriage vows and the marriage bed? How is it we know we are not to be alone with a man – if you’re a woman, or alone with a woman – if you are a man in real life, but its okay to do so on the Internet?

Here's how: We’ve despised the wisdom of the Lord. We’ve entered into a form of PRACTICAL ATHEISM – the living of our life without regard to God’s Word and ways…living as if He has nothing to say. (Psalm 10:4-6, 11)

“In his pride the wicked does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
5 His ways are always prosperous;
he is haughty and your laws are far from him;
he sneers at all his enemies.
6 He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me;
I'll always be happy and never have trouble."
11 He says to himself, "God has forgotten;
he covers his face and never sees."

THIS IS HOW THE ATHEIST FUNCTIONS! HENCE, PRACTICAL ATHEISM.

For the professing Christian, there is not one moment of our time or effort where Jesus Christ is not to be KING. He is our Sovereign ruler. He is our LORD. He is Lord of our thoughts, Lord of our time, Lord of our relationships, and Lord of our deeds, Lord of our body. We do not have the option of carving out a portion of our life where He does not rule…to believe otherwise is a deadly seduction.

Because I’m not a person who believes in coincidence but believes in divine providence, having several marital infidelities brought to my attention within a matter of days - with the common denominator of

1.) Christian profession,
2.) Pornography participation
3.) and FACEOOK emotional and sexual infidelities

- - I’ve confronted my husband to see if the Lord was trying to tell me something.

God sure was!

Kurt assures me he does not view pornography; either on print, in life as at Hooters or so-called ‘gentlemen clubs’ or on the Internet. Per my request when our sons were little, he even turns away when the pornography of Victoria’s Secret commercials slither on the television screen. Further, he doesn’t want, or have time for, social networking online, he has a glass door on his office since he is in management and wants to be above reproach when women come into his office to speak. He has established business boundaries where he will not go to lunch with a woman co-worker without a group of witnesses. He is willing to be held accountable to an Internet accountability service such as COVENANT EYES and have them send the documentations to me. Perhaps most telling, he is not intimidated to give an account in the dreaded ‘chair’ in my dad’s office; my dad is a private investigator and a licensed renowned polygrapher for sex offenders and perverts. I believe him. I sooooooooooooo respect the man he is!

After answering my many questions, he admitted keeping upright and above reproach is an exhausting effort. Images are everywhere. Malls. Churches. The workplace.. Friend’s homes. Television. Movies. Sports magazines. Sales circulars. Satan has his foothold everywhere through the enticing of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life. Many don’t respect the effort to be a man of integrity, if you take this stance, you’ll be faced with ridicule and mocking. The road is narrow and few there be who travel it.

I asked him why he thought the Lord was bringing this circumstance to my porch. By the grace of God alone, we are not presently trapped in sexual sin. Why is God bringing this to me? Why now?

Kurt suggested God has been preparing me as a Shepherd for years and this must be a part of the need of the flock. Teaching bible studies, teaching homeschooling mom’s worldview and philosophy classes and discipling women; these are real needs within the people I minister to.

I told him I was going to write a letter like this exhorting professing Christian men to ruthlessly guard their heart from inappropriate attachments. Friendships with women other than their wife are OFF LIMITS. That’s when he said it…. That’s when I knew God was trying to tell me something. Not something about my husband, but something about me! Kurt told me I couldn’t write a letter like this because I was a hypocrite!

You see, I got a FACEBOOK page because I wanted to keep track of, and monitor our sons and the friends they allowed ‘in’. I told them I wanted to be able to get to know the kids they allowed into their circle of friends and give them guidance on how to guard their personal witness. Basically - - - I spy. I’ve even rebuked their 'friends' a couple of times because I’ve covenanted with these people through church membership.

I invited our Youth Pastor to be my ‘friend’ because he has such a heavy responsibility at our church and I wanted to ‘get to know him better’ by what he wrote about. (You can tell quite a lot about someone by what they think is important enough to make public and write about. By the way, narcissism is rampant in the Church! Twaddle, self-promotion, self-obsession I will dare to call sin. The Apostle Paul would probably have a FACEBOOK to encourage the cross-centered life and share the gospel with the lost.)

This inviting of the Youth Pastor to be my FACEBOOK friend was the hiss of the snake and the slippery slope (CH Spurgeon) for me. He did nothing wrong, I did. I fell into the delusion that inviting a man to be ‘my friend’ on FACEBOOK was not a danger or a threat to my marriage or the Church because he is an upright man who loves the Lord. But it was. Allow me to explain:

As a married Christian woman, I have absolutely NO business being friends with men online; not for any reason – even men I believe to be ‘safe’ like Pastors or the husbands of my friends.
Kurt rightly called me a hypocrite because I was wanting to write a letter of exhortation to the men I know on FACEBOOK warning them of the threat of emotional affairs and even sexual affairs through this social networking vehicle. However, my participation in having men as 'friends' on FACEBOOK legitimized this practice and gave the impression it is okay for someone who has a heart for God, for her husband, and for TRUTH and integrity. This is false. It is not okay. It is playing with fire and setting up a stunbling block for those less spiritually mature.

I’ve listened. I heartily agree.

Please forgive me for not guarding my testimony as the Lord’s vessel online. I got a FACEBOOK page to monitor my boys and their ‘friends’ and then I became convicted to use it as an opportunity to preach and teach. I will still use it to monitor the character of those my children interact with. Youth - of both genders. I will still use it to preach and teach truths; but I hereby must DEFRIEND you out of my love for my High King, out of my love for my precious husband, out of my love for our sons, out of my love for the Body of Christ, and out of my desire to be blameless in the stumbling of another.

I encourage you to DEFRIEND your friends of the opposite sex on FACEBOOK (or any other social networking system). Guard your heart and affections. Guard your mind. Guard your marriage. Your spouse is your best friend and gift from God this side of the cross and, although we can be friendly with others, it must always be within the context of our covenant marital relationship. Satan is seeking to kill and destroy and we’ve let our guard down making it easy for him. We are all too easy prey.

If I contact you by e-mail, you can be sure I will send a carbon copy to my husband so he knows my encounters with men other than himself. I will copy your wife as well. If you must e-mail me, please do not e-mail me directly but go through my husband at kgrier@ebycorp.com. He is my priest, my prophet, my provider, and my protector. If ever you see something that concerns you about my walk, please don’t hesitate to contact him.


CHRISTIAN INTERNET CODE OF ETHICS
by http://www.haznet.com/ethics/

As a Christian who is active on the internet, I hold myself to certain standards of conduct. They are:

I guard my online relationships. I recognize that attachments develop as easily on the Internet as anywhere else, and sometimes more easily because of the anonymity involved in initial exchanges.

I particularly guard against relationships that encroach upon the level of trust and faithfulness that is to exist only within a husband/wife relationship.

I am careful to visit websites that do not compromise my life in Christ. I am aware that there are sites on the internet that Christians must avoid, including those that contain pornography. I do not visit such sites, even out of curiosity. When, by accident (and it happens to everyone), I find such a page loading, I leave it immediately.

I take care that my written communications reflect Christ in my life. Even on issues about which I feel passionate, I avoid saying things that I feel might be displeasing to the Lord. I represent myself, and my intentions in a truthful and upright manner in all my exchanges.

I guard my time to assure that my time online is kept in proper balance with the rest of my life. I realize that the internet can consume time that should be invested elsewhere: family, church, work responsibilities, and other activities that make for a well rounded life. I especially guard against spending time on the internet that should be spent with the Lord.


********

Here are a couple of the ministries I shared with a woman this week who is suffering tremendous harm and pain from her husband’s use of pornography, his emotional infidelity, and his marital treason via the Internet.


One such resource is Pure Life Ministries. You must do yourself a favor and read their history page. Powerful example of vision and DOING.

Here is their homepage. Wealth of resources and wisdom.

http://www.purelifeministries.org/index.cfm


Here is their promo on Tangle (formerly GodTube).




I AM A FAN OF CROSSTV's teachings called WordPictures. They have a DVD specifically that deals with a Christian being victorious over habitual sin. It's called HABITUAL SIN. Here is the description of the teaching:

"Beer. Porn magazines. The &*^%$# word. Old habits die hard. And there are entire industries that thrive on the bondage of the habitual sins that millions of people - including many Christians - remain in. Steve Gallagher of Pure Life Ministries knows the destruction of habitual sin first-hand. His ministry and this message are based on the processes the Bible spells out in order to be free from the bondage of sin. A humbling but encouraging program for anyone who is ready to take the necessary steps. Interlaced with actual testimonies from real people who once struggled with specific sins.
Presented by: Steve Gallagher"

It is $24.95 in DVD form.

http://www.crosstv.com/GuestTeachers.htm

This would be a great resource for the repentant professor in Christ. This is not a WordPicture I have...yet.



There is a new documentary out on the subject of professing Christians trapped in the sin of pornography. It is titled: SOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER. I've lent it to Pastor Kelly. It is a powerful telling of the devastation of this sin. Several men featured are all in church ministry. Two Pastors, one Sunday school teacher, and one worship leader. The married couple will break your heart and soften you to the brokenness of a 'pervert'. I never imagined I could feel mercy for a sexual predator and a funder of sex slavery and the objectification of women, but his grief and his wife's grief softened my heart towards him as a broken, repentant adulterer-at-heart.

I encourage you to get this. Family Christian bookstore has it. I may have purchased the last copy on the west-side. My mom was with me when I purchased it after Christmas at the after Christmas sale. She was troubled why I was buying it. Thought it was odd. Frankly, I thought it was odd. We don't have this problem, but for months I felt the Lord had been prompting me to buy that DVD. For some reason. To have it on hand in case anyone I knew needed to watch it. Oh the providence of God! I just purchased a second copy to have on hand when one is being lent out.

I purchased it and watched it that day. I wept and wept. You will too.


SOMEBODY’S DAUGHER TRAILER:





AN INTERVIEW WITH THE PRODUCER OF SOMEBODY’S DAUGHER:





There is a booklet of facts and lyrics on the documentary. About the sin of porn and the victims of pornography. The sex industry in America makes more money (Internet sex isn't free!) than the NFL, NBA, and another professional sporting industry put together. People involved are funding an industry that exploits and victimizes women and even children. People involved are funding this industry to pay for the kidnapping of people and enslaving them as sex slaves. Sex slavery is alive and well in America!

Here is the SOMEBODY'S DAUGHER website link:

http://www.somebodysdaughter.org/


They have a study guide/discussion guide that augments the DVD. It is $20.00

https://secure2.tallent.com/music/store/store.aspx


It was produced by musicforthesoul:

http://www.musicforthesoul.org/somebodys.html

https://www.visionvideo.com/pdf/SomebodysDaughterInsert.pdf



An Internet accountability service called Covenant Eyes will track all activity on the Internet and send a copy of the report (every site visited/every pop-up tracked) to the spouse. Lying and half-truths are insidious with porn.... The darkness must be brought out to light. Secrets only feed the sin. Ephesians 5:11 says, "Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them."

http://www.covenanteyes.com/?promocode=37204mfs


“How does Internet Accountability work?

Covenant Eyes software monitors a person's Internet use and emails a report of all websites visited for Accountability Partners to view. Accountability Partners are trusted individuals selected by the member to review reports and discuss how the Internet is used. Reports are emailed to the Partner or viewed online from our Member Center.”



I know this has been long. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I pray you will take this to heart and act to protect your marriage and the purity and integrity of the body of Christ. Though you are precious, you are effectively DEFRIENDED.


Serving His Kingdom Here and Now ~

Jilly Grier